Winehouse Wins Miss Universe Pageant

JUST A SPOOF: Amy Winehouse, representing Miss United Kingdom, has become the first ever drug addict to win the Miss Universe Pageant, which was held yesterday in Poland.

180 women representing 70 countries took part in the pageant, which began one week ago and finished yesterday in Krakow's main planetarium.

But, it seems, the Miss Universe Pageant was littered with scandals and conspiracies. Miss USA had to withdraw from the final when she collapsed backstage on the morning of the last day. After extensive testing, heroin, cocaine and dog's phaeces were found in the woman's blood, and a little on her shoe. Miss USA claimed that someone had drugged her, but for the life of her, could not figure out who it could be. No charges were laid.

Winehouse won the final round, when the last five contestants standing where asked "What is the biggest problem facing women today?"

Winehouse replied with: "No-one should be forced to go to rehab, you know what I mean? I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine, he's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go, go, go."

Miss Australia, Miss France, Miss Brazil and Miss Japan were all too stoned to answer. All claimed they had been drugged. Winehouse denied any knowledge of the suspecting drugging and walked away with the crown, which she later tried to smoke.

I know that I speak for all of Britain when I say "Well done Amy!"